i bit my lip and it began to bleed. i told myself i wasnt going to think of you as much. i retraced my steps and it lead to the place where you watched me slept. i turned to my left to find a carving. i turned to my right to find the empty space of which you once layed in. i hate loving you. i looked outside my window and remembered the first time when you were outside my house.you thought i was sleeping as i watched you stare at me, it was cold that night and i can see your breath outside the windowstill. i hate loving you. i lived through our visits to the airport where you hid under your ralph lauren jacket because you were mad at the world. i hoped that you understood that when no ones there, your not alone because i was next to you, i was always there. i hate loving you. i layed down in the same grass in the park where i ignored your feelings and found your flannel as my blanket. i turned to my right to not see your familar face watching down on me. i hate loving you. i sat in the seat in the far left corner, the second seat to the right of the theater, alone. i turned to my left to not find you by my side. i went to the hills to see the citylights...the same city lights that once belonged to us. i turned to my right to not find your lips against mine.i hate trying not to love you. which ever way i turned, i was disappointed everytime to see that you weren't there when i needed you the most. i tried to move on and i thought i was over you. all this time as i layed down in my bed,motionless,i disappointed myself to find that all this time when i was laying down doing nothing, you were out in the world trying to convince me that i was worth the fight...you never gave up...until now.

as i watched you careless,it was a threat to me. as i watched you leaving, it scared me. as i realzied that you were trying to move on, it convinced me that you didnt want anything to do with me anymore. that last chance...the last night we spent together and i knew i could lose you completely, and thats when i realized that i love you. i held your  hand a little bit longer that night because i felt you letting go. i hugged you tighter than i usually do because i felt you pushing me away. im sorry i even tried. i was a fool to have hope in us. im tired of running away...im tired of hiding it.

"Just letting you know..."

i wanna stop these feelings i have
i want to quit the life i live
starting over now is the best thing to do,
to get you of my mind
i don't know what to think anymore
i don't know what i should do
knowing the truth is hard let go
facing the truth not knowing what u wanna think
but hurts inside
finding the truth that u want to believe thats not true is the third level
cuz u wanna kill someone but you'll feel breathless
i'm trying to reach out to someone i care about
that i wanna quit caring so much about you
its hard to say face to face when your scared of the results but want an answer
when you get the results which i think i already know that you don't want me as bad as i want you
i don't think its hard to believe cuz you kno my feelings..only thing is that you don't know me
i look for the girl i'm really comfortable with n'  i found that in you
i can tell by that when i was holding you hand
all my worries were gone with you
but it was juss a one nite stand....

-adrian caps

...and i wonder if things will ever be the same. goodbye adrian carino capangpangan